Dreams

Posted by dean balog on Aug 20, 2010 in Uncategorized |
Deep down I want to believe that dreams are simply the residue of your conscious thoughts from the day.  Dreams are nothing more than clean-up.  There is no more significance to them than that.
 
I really want to believe that. 
 
I cannot accept that there is any predictive quality to dreams.  If I can’t consciously predict the future, why should I be able to do so unconsciously?
 
I really want to believe that.
 
I also find it impossible to believe that you can somehow telepathically communicate with others via dreams.  Again, why would I only be able to do that while I’m asleep and can’t control what I “send”?
 
I really want to believe that.
 
But I can’t shake the feeling there is something more to it all.
 
When I was about 11 or 12 years old, I started having a recurring dream.  I had this dream every night for about a week straight.  I was riding in the back seat of a car, one of those old tank of a cars, something like a ’58 Chevy.  The car started heading down this mountain road.  I look out the window and see that it’s a sheer drop off the side of the road.  It was pretty much road and air.  As things went along, the car picked up speed. As it started moving faster and faster, I started getting more and more nervous.   I decide I need to let the driver know I’m getting scared.  It’s at this point I see that there no one driving the car.  I freak out, jump over the back seat into the driver’s seat.  I fight with the steering wheel, try stomping on the break.  Nothing works.  I cannot control the car.  Then I woke up, scared and sweating.
 
I had this dream say 6 times in a row.  On the seventh night, the dream started again.  Everything was just as before.  Well, almost.  When it got to the point where I’m about to jump over the seat, I stopped.  Within the dream, I say to myself, “Wait, this is the same thing.  It’s not going to matter if I jump up there or not.  It’s not going to work.” And I just sit back.  The car continues on down the road.  It stops and the bottom of the mountain and I wake up.
 
That was a very significant dream.  That dream probably helped shape my attitude towards life in general.
 
But if dreams are no more than what I want to believe they are, how could such a thing have happened?  How could my subconscious mind teach me this?
 
I’m writing this however, because of a different dream.  This too is a recurring dream, but not as recurring.  It’s also never quite the same dream.  I just had this dream last night, although it’s probably been nearly 20 years since the last time.
 
In this dream I’m expecting a visit from my friend Bonne.  In the dream, it’s always been a very long time since I’ve seen her (in reality, it’s been a long time as well.).  Where I am and the other players in the dream are always different, but the story is always the same.  Something happens with someone else that keeps me from meeting up with Bonne.  At most, I get a glimpse of her or get to say Goodbye as she’s leaving.
 
I don’t get this dream at all.  Okay, I can kind of understand what prompted THIS time.  I’ve heard from Bonne for the first time in a very, very long time.  I’m probably anxious about talking to her again after all this time.  Okay, fine.  A nice straightforward psychological answer. 
 
But why last night?  It’s been 3-4 days since I got the news.  Why not THAT night?
 
And why this same stupid scenario?  If it were the real world, I’d be able to make some kind of arrangement to be able to at least sit down and have lunch with her.  What deep seated phobia or neurosis builds that?
 
Or is this dream just exactly what I want to believe it it, just left over residue of the day’s thoughts, random bits and pieces arranged haphazardly and constructed into a dream?
Dream on dreamer…

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